Guess what?
Not this year. This year let’s bless our fathers! “What?”
you say. “You obviously don’t know my father!” Don’t
have to. Heard it before. Been through it myself.
In 1926, when
my Dad was two years old, the youngest of four children, his father
abandoned him. It is something from which our family lineage has still
not fully recovered. The impact of a father, for better or for worse,
is felt forward for many generations.
My grandfather,
whom I have never met nor ever even seen his picture, contacted my Dad
when I was in high school. My Dad didn’t want anything to do with
him. I asked my Dad, “Why didn’t you let him come see you?”
My Dad said,
“I was only two when he left. I never knew the man. He didn’t
want anything to do with me then, so I don’t want anything to
do with him now.” Back then, as a high schooler, I didn’t
know what to say. Today, I do, but it’s too late. My dad has passed
away.
BREAKING
THE CYCLE
My Dad wanted
to break the cycle and, in many ways, he did. He taught me integrity,
the value of hard work, and how to respect a woman. I will always be
grateful. But my dad also let me down in some key areas. He didn’t
want to, but he did. He was a good man, but he had a lot to overcome.
He suffered for the sins of his own father. The Bible puts it this way:
My dad tried to break the
cycle and became a leader in our church. But, regrettably, our church
didn’t put a strong emphasis on building Godly men, husbands,
and fathers. As a result, we dropped out of church when he was 40 and
I was in the 10th grade, the oldest of four boys.
Our entire family lineage
is still reeling from that decision: two high school dropouts (I was
one of them), drug addiction, alcoholism, employment problems, and divorce.
I even have a brother who died of a heroin overdose.
One reason I’m so passionate
about helping men become Godly men, husbands, and fathers is because
of what I’ve seen God do in my own family line. By God’s
grace, I became of follower of Jesus in my early twenties. Since then,
everyone in our family, except one brother, has put their faith in Jesus.
Patsy and I have been married for 30 years. My children can never remember
a day they didn’t know and love Jesus Christ. So, “Dad,
if you can hear me, thanks for all you did. We did break the cycle,
and we did it because of your determination. I have been able to finish
in my generation what you started in your generation.”
Still, I can’t help
but wonder, how would our family have been different if our church had
a strong program to disciple men? I will never know, but your church
can.
Your
Church On Father’s Day:
If you really want to do something significant, why not announce on
Father’s Day that your church is committed to build a strong disciple-making
program to build Godly men, husbands, fathers, and boys? Attend a leadership
training course at Man in the Mirror’s Leadership Training Center.
Your
Father’s Day Sermon: Preach a message
on Father’s Day about the crucial role that fathers play in family
life. Pick an uplifting title, like, “Thanks, Dad!” or “Why
I Love my Dad” or “Why Being a Dad Is Cool.” Raise
the bar on what’s at stake when men fail. Send me an email, put
“Father’s Day statistics” in the subject line, and
I will send you some great stats for your sermon (patrickmorley@maninthemirror.org).
Encourage your men for trying. Cite specific examples of men in your
church who are great dads. Give men permission to make fathering a top
priority—even if it means they don’t spend as much time
on church business.
RECONCILING
SONS AND FATHERS
Ed can only remember his
father touching him once. When he was seven, his dad put his hand on
Ed’s knee to comfort him. What’s so amazing about this story
is not the absence of physical affection, but that a single touch would
still be so vivid seventy years later!
When Ed turned sixty he went
to his father’s house and rang the doorbell. When his Dad opened
the door, he reached out and hugged his father. He said, “It was
like hugging a cement telephone pole, but I’m so glad I did it.
It’s the only hug I ever had from him.”
A little boy who grows up
without an involved, affectionate, affirming dad can carry a lot of
hurt and bitterness. If you had an absent, preoccupied, passive, or
mean dad, you are probably an angry man.
If you had a father who let
you down, you have some choices to make (if you have not already done
so): You can repeat the sins of your father, or you can break the cycle.
You can carry around your pain and bitterness, or you can forgive and
redeem your family line.
Have you let God set you
free, or are you still bound to the past by the sins of your father
or father’s father? This Father’s Day, you can set your
entire family lineage on a course of godliness and reconciliation for
generations to come.
PRACTICAL
THINGS TO SET YOUR FAMILY FREE
Sons
to Living Fathers: If your father is living, take
him to lunch on Father’s Day—maybe just the two of you.
Prepare a list of things you appreciate and a summary of the ways you
feel let down. Read the list of things you appreciate to him. Give examples.
Then, tell him about the pain you have felt. Talk about it. He will
probably express regret.
Regardless of his response
tell him, “Dad, I thank you for being my Dad. You mean so much
to me. I forgive you for the past. I love you very much, and I want
us to have a good relationship. Why don’t we plan to spend more
time together? Maybe we can have lunch or breakfast once every (week,
month, two months, quarterly).”
Sons
to Deceased Fathers: Write your father a letter.
Spend a few days jotting down notes, then sit down on Father’s
Day and write it out. Tell him what you appreciate, the good things
he passed along to you, all the things you miss, what you regret, the
places where you think he let you down. Then, by God’s grace,
thank him where you can, and forgive him for everything else. If emotion
comes, don’t hold it back. A good cry can heal many hurts. Let
it all go. When you are done, ceremoniously burn the letter as a symbol
of putting the past behind you once and for all. If you can’t
let it go, consider a few sessions with a professional Christian counselor.
You don’t have to spend the rest of your life with a seed of bitterness
eating away at you.
Sons
to Fathers-In-Law: My father-in-law has been my
encourager, mentor, and champion. Why not send a special letter of gratitude
to your father-in-law for welcoming you into his family, giving you
the hand of his daughter, supporting you through the years, and whatever
else you can say that expresses gratitude? If possible, consider going
to lunch and presenting your letter in person.
Never
Knew Your Dad? Write God a letter with all the
questions you have about your father. Tell God how much you miss not
knowing or not having a dad. Thank God for the men who have filled in
gaps. Ask God to fill in everything else. Consider finding a younger
man who doesn’t have a dad in his life and get your families together
on Father’s Day.
A
FINAL THOUGHT
Any Christian counselor will
tell you, “There is something about a man’s relationship
with his father that touches every aspect of his life.” Indeed,
ask a group of men on a retreat to discuss, “What was your relationship
with your father like?” and you will soon have a room full of
blubbers—many because their dads were so encouraging, and the
rest because they don’t feel like their dads loved them or were
proud of them.
So this is not a message
about how to be a good dad on Father’s Day, but a good son. Bless
your father this year. If you can reconcile with your past, you won’t
be doomed to repeat the sins of your father or father’s father.
You will be a good dad to your own kids. You will have broken the cycle.
You will be free.
APPLICATION
