The Husband in the Mirror

Best Friends and Lovers

Ephesians 5:25-33

 Questions

1. There is a kind of love that only a husband and wife can share, but it is not automatic.  C. S. Lewis called it Eros love. He wrote, “Now Eros makes a man really want, not a woman, but one particular woman. In some mysterious but quite indisputable fashion the lover desires the Beloved herself, not the pleasure she can give.” AGREE/DISAGREE. Explain your answer.

2. What is the difference between Emotional Love and Sexual Intimacy?

3. Emotional Love is the result of accumulating Emotional Deposits. Here are some examples....

• Time: Do you spend quality time with your wife? Do you date her?
• Conversation: Do you engage your wife in meaningful conversation? Do you share your secret joys and sorrows?
• Listening: Are you safe to talk to? Can your wife tell you what she’s really thinking, or does she have to measure her words?
• Touch: Do you regularly touch your wife in non-sexual displays of affection?
• Discerning: Can you tell when something is bothering your wife? Do you act on that?
• Encouraging: Do you affirm and encourage your wife with words?
• Gifts: Do you remember special days and occasions?
• Service: Do you help with household chores and volunteer for errands?

Which of these Emotional Deposits is the primary way you feel loved? Which are the primary and secondary ways your wife feels loved? What are the implications for your love toward her?

4. “You and your wife are the only two people really in this together. Everyone else will phase in and out of your life.” Is this true? What are the implications?

Listener's Outline

The Big Idea: __________________________________________________________

1. The Four Loves (C. S. Lewis)
1. ___________________
2. ___________________
3. ___________________
4. ___________________

2. Romantic Love: Emotional and Physical

3. Identifying Her Best Deposit

T        : Do you spend quality time with your wife? Do you date her?

C                  : Do you engage your wife in meaningful conversation? Do you share your secret joys and sorrows?

L                : Are you safe to talk to? Can your wife tell you what she’s really thinking, or does she have to measure her words?

T            : Do you regularly touch your wife in non-sexual displays of affection?

D                 : Can you tell when something is bothering your wife? Do you act on that?

E                : Do you affirm and encourage you wife with words?

G         : Do you remember special days and occasions?

S           : Do you help with household chores and volunteer for errands?

Author Gary Chapman offers the insight that husbands and wives tend to love each other the way they want to be loved, but not necessarily the way their mates want to be loved.