Pastor.

No man fails on purpose. No man wakes up in the morning and asks himself, "Well, I wonder what I can do today to irritate my wife, neglect my kids, and blow it on my job." We want to help you encourage and challenge your fathers to find an authentic manhood.

Below you will find.

• facts and figures
• a sample ceremony for distributing Project Father's Day books
• several illustrations

Let me know if we can provide any other helps at patrickmorley@maninthemirror.org or visit www.maninthemirror.org.

Facts and Figures for Father's Day

Following are some wonderful facts and figures. Depending on your church demographics, you may need to add a little grace to the raw facts..

• FATHERLESSNESS: There 72,000,000 children in the United States under 18 years of age. Tonight, 33% of these children will go to bed in a home without a biological father (U. S. Census Bureau. 2001. Living arrangements of children [Electronic version] : U. S. Census Bureau, U. S. Department of Commerce, Economics and Statistics Administration).
• DIVORCE AND CHILDREN: About 40% of first marriages end in divorce, and more than 1,000,000 children are part of a divorce each year ( American Academy of Pediatrics. 2003. Family pediatrics report of the task force on the family [Electronic version]. Pediatrics, 111 (6), 1541-1571).
• BREAKDOWN OF FAMILIES: Teachman, Tedrow, and Crowder documented changes in the family over the last three decades. These changes include a tendency to marry later or not at all, increased divorce, an increase in children born out of wedlock, a decrease in households composed of families, a decrease in family households of two parents with children, an increase in children spending part of their childhood in a single parent household, and an increase in multiple changes for children's living arrangements. Their research led the authors to conclude, "It is no longer the case that a child born today can expect to live his or her childhood with both biological parents." (Teachman, J. D., Tedrow, L. M., & Crowder, K. D. 2000. The changing demography of america 's families [Electronic version]. Journal of Marriage & Family, 62 (4), 1234-1246).
• HARRIED LIFESTYLES: Dobson concluded that "harried lifestyles" are "the primary reason for the breakdown of the family" (Dobson, J. 2001. Bringing up boys . Wheaton , IL : Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., p. 102).
• TWO PARENT FAMILIES: Growing up with both biological parents matters. Lang and Zagorsky found that children who grow up with both biological parents achieve significantly better results educationally, in marriage, and economically. They receive better grades, on average complete one year more of schooling, are 10% more likely to graduate from high school, are more likely to marry, earn more income, and accumulate more wealth. (Lang, K., & Zagorsky, J. L. 2001. Does growing up with a parent absent really hurt? [Electronic version]. Journal of Human Resources, 36 (2), 253-273).
• CHILDREN IN POVERTY: A central question asked by the Family Pediatrics Task Force on the Family was, "What is lost, apart from things related to income, when fathers are not part of children's lives?" They found women and children are severely punished when a husband and father is not present in the home. Income for single women head of households is only 47% of married couple family income. As a result, the probability of children living in poverty is five times greater in single women households ( Pediatrics, 2003).
• WORKING MOMS: Not surprisingly, 76.2% of widowed, divorced or separated mothers with children under 6 were employed in 2001. Surprisingly, however, 62.5% of mothers with children under 6 and husband present were employed (a 58% increase since 1970), and 77.7% of mothers with children 6 to 17 and husband present were employed (U. S. Census Bureau 2002. Statistical Abstract of the United States . No. 570).
• WORKING MOMS: Peter Drucker observed, "We are busily unmaking one of the proudest social achievements in the nineteenth century, which was to take married women out of the work force so they could devote themselves to family and children" (Drucker, quoted in Gilder, G. 1986. Men and marriage . Gretna , LA : Pelican Publishing Company, Inc.).
• THE PRICE OF DIVORCE: Perhaps the greatest cost to the physical absence of fathers in the home has been to create the practical absence of mothers in the home. Essentially, one person must now do the work of two. As a young woman who grew up in a single parent home said, "When my mom and dad divorced I didn't just lose my dad. I also lost my mom because she had to work long hours to support us."

A Suggested Ceremony To Present "Project Father's Day" Books

A man is a noble creature, created by God to be a spiritual leader. He puts his wife and children first (or if unmarried he puts others first), often at the expense of his own spiritual growth and discipleship. So today men, we want to say thanks, good job, and we want to do a better job of equipping you to succeed.

That's why we are participating in Man in the Mirror's Project Father's Day this year-a plan to honor every man in our church with the gift of a book. However, instead of just handing you a book as you leave this morning , at this time we want to invite all the men in our church 15 years of age and older to come forward for a brief ceremony.

As you make your way to the front, let me explain what we're going to do. We have invited all the deacons (and/or elders) to spread across the front. They will give you a book. And then as your pastor I would like to pray for you.

We hope you will feel our love and respect for you as you come. These books have helped countless men to become better men, husbands, and fathers. We hope this distribution will stimulate small groups, raise the bar for what it means to be a Godly man, develop new leaders, create a hunger for God, and help some men find or rekindle their love for God and faith in Christ.

PRAYER: Dear Father, today we honor the men of our church, especially the fathers and those who will one day be fathers. Empower these men by your Spirit to be the men you want them to be. Grant each of them the desire and power to be a faithful disciple of Jesus. Call them to walk in Christ, equip them to live like Christ, and send them to work for Christ. Help them grasp that a man will feel most alive, most useful, and most content when he is doing what he was created to do. Help them also, Lord, to find rest for their souls. And may this body of believers be a place of refuge where they renew their strength. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

A Great Closing Illustration

This illustration is from Chapter 8, "Children: How to Avoid Regrets," The Man in the Mirror (which will help introduce the book if you are using it in this year's Project Father's Day Giveaway). You have my permission to use it any way you want..

The salmon nearly leaped onto their hooks! That was a far cry from the day before when the four anglers couldn't even seem to catch an old boot.

Disappointed but not discouraged, they had climbed aboard their small seaplane and skimmed over the Alaskan mountains to a pristine, secluded bay where the fish were sure to bite.

They parked their aircraft and waded upstream, where the water teemed with ready-to-catch salmon. Later that afternoon, when they returned to their camp, they were surprised to find the seaplane high and dry. The tides fluctuated twenty-three feet in that particular bay, and the pontoons rested on a bed of gravel. Since they couldn't fly out till morning, they settled in for the night and enjoyed some of their catch for dinner, then slept in the plane.

In the morning the seaplane was adrift, so they promptly cranked the engine and started to take off. Too late, they discovered one of the pontoons had been punctured and was filled with water. The extra weight threw the plane into a circular pattern. Within moments from liftoff the seaplane careened into the sea and capsized.

Dr. Phil Littleford determined that everyone was alive, including his twelve-year-old son, Mark. He suggested they pray, which the other two men quickly endorsed. No safety equipment could be found on board-no life vests, no flares, nothing. The plane gurgled and submerged into the blackness of the icy morning sea. Fortunately, they all had waters which they inflated. The frigid Alaskan water chilled their breath.

They all began to swim for shore, but the riptide countered every stroke. The two men alongside Phil and Mark were strong swimmers and they both made shore, one just catching the tip of land as the tides pulled them out toward sea.

Their two companions last saw Phil and Mark as a disappearing dot on the horizon, swept arm-in-arm out to sea.

The Coast Guard reported they probably lasted no more than an hour in the freezing waters-hypothermia would chill the body functions and they would go to sleep. Mark with a smaller body mass, would fall asleep first in his father's arms. Phil could have made the shoreline, too, but that would have meant abandoning his son. Their bodies were never found.

What father wouldn't be willing to die for his son? My question is different. If we are willing to go so far as to die for our children, why is it that we often don't seem willing to live for them?

A Great Text For Father's Day

1. THE MAJESTY OF THE GOD WHO CREATED MAN
When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? (God dipped his hand into a bowl of liquid light and flicked his fingers against the curtain of the night to array the cosmos. He is a great and awesome God. But who am I?)

2. WHO GOD CREATED MAN TO BE-HIS IDENTITY
You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. (Men, you are the full expression of God's creative genius. God was at his very best when he made you.)

3. WHAT GOD CREATED MAN TO DO-HIS PURPOSE
You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet: all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas. O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! (Psalm 8:3-9). (THE BIG IDEA: A man will feel most alive, most useful, most content when he is doing what he was created to do.)

A Wonderful Object Lesson on Fathering

Here's co-author David Delk's favorite illustration from The Dad in the Mirror..

Picking Oranges , Taping on Apples

Many homes where we live in Orlando , Florida , have orange trees in their yards. Imagine you live here, have an orange tree in your yard, and decide you don't want an orange tree anymore. Instead, you want an apple tree.

You could go out in the yard and pick every orange off of the tree. After that you could get in your car and drive to the store, buy a bag full of apples and duct tape, then come home and tape apples all over the tree.

But what would happen? In a few days the apples would begin to rot, then fall off the trees.

And what would happen next year? The oranges would return. The only way to get rid of the oranges for good is to dig the tree up by its roots.

Too often we simply "pick oranges and tape on apples." We try to remove the bad behavior we see, but we don't get to the root of our unbelief. So even if we can will ourselves to stop some sinful behaviors this season, they come right back, because we still have the same root of unbelief.

Christ offers us the chance for change from the roots, from the inside out. He calls us to stop making our ability to perform our god, and start walking with him by faith. It's a great life when you don't feel as though you always have to perform to make God happy!

An Illustration About Passing on "The Blessing"

This duo of illustrations from Chapter 1, "Roots and Wings," The Dad in the Mirror (Zondervan) can give your fathers a vision for blessing their children.

Fathering the Heart Means To Give The Blessing

What happens to children who go without the benefit of strong roots and wide wings? They build their hearts into a fortress. Some of them end up like some boys Pat recently met. A chaplain invited Pat to speak to hardcore youth offenders, fourteen to seventeen years of age, at the Orange County Jail.

Pat asked the chaplain what offenses the boys had committed. "Basically," he replied, "they're in for murder, rape, weapons, armed robbery, but mostly drugs."

"And how many of these young men have a father figure in their life?" Pat asked.

"Maybe ten percent," the man answered.

Pat prayed and wondered what a middle-aged, white businessman could say to these young men. He knew he couldn't go and give them "the blessing"-the blessing that only a father can give. But he still wanted to give them "a" blessing.

When he arrived, he handed each boy a nametag and said, "I'll tell you what that is for in a few minutes."

About halfway into his message, Pat asked each of the boys to write his name on the nametag and put it on. Then Pat knelt down on his knee in front of the closest young man. He read the nametag, then looked into his eyes and said, "Carlos Riviera, God knows your name, and he loves you very much. He knit you together in your mother's womb. He knows every word you speak before it leaves your tongue. He knows when you sit and when you rise. He knows your thoughts from afar. He knows everything you've ever done, and he wants to forgive you. If you will open yourself up to him, he will open himself up to you. God wants to adopt you and be your true Father. You can change your life. Do you understand this?" Carlos nodded. Pat heard a few snickers.

Then Pat moved on to the next boy and did the same thing. By the fourth or fifth boy, he could have heard a pin drop.

When they broke up the meeting, Pat said, "You know, I'm a hugger. So if anybody needs a hug, come on up here, and I'll give you a hug."

Twelve young men immediately lined up to get a hug from Pat. Then they stepped out into the hallway, where the guards shackled them to another prisoner and marched them back to their cells.

How had they ended up there at all? These young men had not received the blessing of roots and wings. Contrast their experience with the story of Kevin and his dad, Brett.

Fathering the Heart Means Orchestrating Rites of Passage

In three weeks Kevin would graduate from high school. Brett wanted to do something special, something that would initiate his son into manhood. All through high school Kevin had grown especially close to two Christian friends. Brett decided to include the dads of these others boys, too. They made their plan together.

Kevin's girlfriend called him to say that she and two friends had designed a special outing for Kevin and the two other guys. Kevin and his buddies got excited. They expected a fun night out. The day finally came and Kevin and his friends picked up the girls.

Then the girls blindfolded the boys and drove them around for a while. Before long, Kevin had lost his bearings. At last the car stopped and the girls helped the boys out. Then they led them down a path and across a footbridge. Kevin could hear the sounds of the forest, so he knew he must be in the woods.

The girls led Kevin and the other boys to chairs arranged around an old fire pit and told them to sit down. One of the girls said, "Don't take off your blindfolds until we tell you to."

Kevin heard the girls walk away and cross the bridge. He heard car doors slam, a car start and then drive away. Then nothing. Nothing but a deathly silence.

Meanwhile, Brett and the fathers of the other two boys stood around the fire pit with a handful of other men who over the years had invested in the boys.

After a long few minutes, Brett told the boys in a deep voice, "Remove your blindfolds!" Kevin took off his blindfold and could not believe it. He felt completely overwhelmed to see these men surrounding him in the woods. What happened to the girls? He sat in stunned silence with no idea what was about to happen.

The men gave their boys three short torches lit from the fire. Brett, the other dads, and the other men gave spiritual advice to Kevin and his friends, then asked each of the boys to kneel down. Each man went to the boys and prayed a blessing on their lives. Then they extinguished the three short torches and lit three tall torches in their place. And that is how Kevin and his friends received their initiation into manhood.

Kevin's dad fathered his heart. What a different story from those boys in the jail! When you effectively father the hearts of your children, you give them roots of security and wings of independence. It could make all the difference in the world.