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Counterpoint: Suggestions for the Husband of a Woman Who Left
Volume 361
February 22, 2010
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Several wrote about last week's "Three Suggestions for the Wife of a Man Who Left" and asked if there were any suggestions when it was the wife who left.
One of our brothers, Neil Wiegert, was forced to learn what to do when his wife left fifteen years ago. He wrote to share lessons he learned. He wrote, "It is not always the man who walks away from his marriage and his family."
Here are his excellent "Suggestions for the Husband of a Woman Who Left."
- If you haven't been walking with the Lord, start; if you are walking with Him, walk closer.
- Pray for her. She may not stay, but you will be a stronger man when it all ends.
- Even though life is far from normal at this time, keep life as normal as possible by keeping/maintaining your routines.
- Spend as much time as you can with your kids. Do not discredit their mother to them. Let them know with your words that this is not their fault. Be sensitive to their age and level of maturity with what you share with them.
- Be proactive in the maintenance of your health. This may be the hardest thing you have EVER faced and it is taking its toll on your mind, body, and spirit. I learned the hard way that stress can be one of the greatest precursors of cancer.
- If they haven't walked this journey themselves, don't let someone tell you not to feel the way you're feeling. Your feelings are uniquely yours, they are legitimate. Allow yourself the time to talk and work through them.
- Find at least one friend who will be your accountability partner through this. More than one is so much the better.
- Stay pure. This will be easier if you have close brother friendships.
- Maintain your relationship with strong married couples. It will remind you that there are a lot of good women out there. (And God may have someone else in mind for you.)
- When it has become apparent that divorce is inevitable, be ready to fight for your rights - as a father, for your own financial security, for your personal dignity. She will be fighting for hers. (In this world, be as crafty as a serpent and as innocent as a dove. Matthew 10:16)
- Surrender your pride to the Lord. Admit to Him, to a friend or counselor where you have been the problem. Ask Him what He wants you to learn or unlearn through this trial. Ask Him to help you become an even better man.
- Give yourself sufficient time to heal before you consider dating again. Work toward becoming a whole person and look for another whole person - don't be half a person looking for the other half to make you feel whole.
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His and yours,
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